R U OK?

5 things to know about supporting retirees

5 things to know about supporting retirees

This year, more than 100,000 Australians are expected to retire¹. Many look forward to it because it gives them more time for family, hobbies and interests. But for some, stopping work can be challenging leading to financial stress, social isolation or the loss of identity and routine.

That’s why it’s important to ask ‘R U OK?’

Having the support of friends and family can really help people manage this major life transition with studies showing retirees with solid social support networks tend to experience more positive psychological outcomes².

As part of the When Life Happens, Ask R U OK? series, supported by ING, real retirees share their stories to help you understand what to expect and how to best support family and friends in retirement.

1. Things might not always go to plan

You might think retirement is something you plan for but that’s not always the case.

For Anne, retirement came about in a gradual and involuntary way, bringing a premature end to her high-achieving and stimulating career.

A combination of factors, including the pandemic changing the nature of work and the retirement of many of her clients, meant this transition wasn’t on her terms.

‘I never formally retired,’ Anne explained. ‘I haven’t stopped working, but the work has stopped.’

‘I’ve always controlled my destiny, so it’s been really challenging. It never occurred to me that this is how I would retire.’

Retired pilot Michael has also seen some of his peers struggle with retirement, especially in the wake of the pandemic that grounded airline fleets around the world.

‘Everyone seems to retire on different terms,’ said Michael. ‘For some it was the pandemic, while others have had to stop flying for medical reasons, which can be really tough.’

‘On the other hand, I’ve got mates who haven’t been able to retire because they love flying so much or they’ve got financial pressures.’

2. It can be bittersweet

Many people look forward to retirement but it can be hard to adjust.

For recently retired teacher Ruth, wrapping up her career has been a mostly positive experience.

She’s been touched by the messages she’s received from former students and colleagues, and she’s really enjoying having more time to spend with her grandchild.

But entering the new life stage hasn’t been without bumps.

‘Retirement is still new to me,’ she said. ‘So it’s still a bit of a roller coaster.’

Anita has also experienced mixed emotions.

‘When you work full time, you don’t have enough time for yourself or your family, so that’s been a big relief,’ said Anita.

‘However, it’s also been confronting to cope with the transition and everything that comes along with that.’

Anne has also struggled with the contrast of emotions.

While she’s enjoying having more time to travel and pursue bushwalking and scuba diving, these positives are outweighed by the loss of identity she feels.

‘I’ve gone from having really high visibility and achieving a lot to now feeling really invisible,’ Anne explained.

‘It’s a massive shock to the system. No longer having that purpose through work has made me question my self-worth and value to society.’

3. Life doesn’t stop

Just because work stops, it doesn’t mean life does.

For Virginia, retirement has been almost as busy, if not busier than full time work.

‘It’s been going from one thing to another, from projects I’m passionate about to helping family, losing Dad, sorting out the house, floods and bushfires – there are a lot of balls in the air.’

‘Curve balls come up all the time, you’ve still got to navigate all these different things, it’s hard,’ said Virginia.

For many, finishing full-time work can bring new life pressures including big financial decisions, as was the case for Ruth.

‘I was scared of the unknown, as far as finances went,’ she said. ‘It’s so hard to know how long you are going to live for and if you have enough money.’

‘The financial element caused me a lot of stress and I didn’t even know if I could retire until I got some financial advice. Everyone’s situation is unique but getting advice really helped.’

Jamie has also struggled with uncertainty around retirement.

‘It’s hard to make the big financial decisions because there’s still a lot of uncertainty about how long you’re going to live or what the future holds.’

Anne agrees that our brains aren’t designed to handle uncertainty.

‘I think it’s very common for people to struggle with that in retirement.’

4. Talk early, talk often

The best way to support people through retirement is to stay connected and encourage them to talk openly about it.

Virginia says what has helped her most, and how she’s been able to help others, is to be consistent.

‘Just keep in contact, even if it’s just a text,’ she advised. ‘It doesn’t have to always be a “deep and meaningful”, just stay in touch.’

‘Be patient. My friends have been very patient with me when I’ve had to travel a lot to support family, and I’ve had other friends ask me to be patient with them, to just keep inviting them and including them. It’s the best thing you can do.’

Reflecting on a conversation with a mate a few years ago, Jamie recalls the impact that an honest conversation can have.

‘I had a mate who was struggling after retirement,’ said Jamie. ‘He was drinking too much but by gently pointing it out to him and asking him about it, he became aware of what was happening and realised that he needed to change.’

Anita’s advice is to not make assumptions about how someone is coping in retirement and to be genuinely curious when you’re checking in with someone.

‘I faced a bit of judgment from people who didn’t understand my retirement situation,’ she said. ‘But when people were genuinely interested and asked with care, it broke down walls.’

‘Giving them a safe space to open up is also how you can find out if someone’s not OK.’

5. Just listen

If you think someone is finding retirement tough, you don’t need to find solutions for them, but you can listen.

For Ruth, the support of her daughters has really helped her navigate some big decisions.

‘They’ve never even thought about retirement, but they’ve been a sounding board for me,’ Ruth said. ‘They never told me what to do, they just listened and reassured me that I was making the right decisions.’

Michael stays in touch with a lot of his former colleagues.

‘It’s a pretty important thing. I just try and understand what’s going on. Just touch base and have a chat about what they’re up to,’ he said. ‘You might have your own opinions or start wondering how they’re going to sort things out, but that’s not the right approach.’

‘It’s about listening, and patience and letting them come to it themselves,’ Michael explained.

Because everyone’s retirement journey is different, Anne’s advice is to be open to asking what support someone might need.

‘It can be helpful to ask questions like “Can I support you with this?” or “Is there anything I can do?’’’

‘When life happens asking “Are you OK?” and being there to listen is key,’ said Anita.

For more information about when and how to ask R U OK?, head to ruok.org.au/how-to-ask